BrisPain: A Sore Story From The Sunshine State

Il fait chaud... always too bloody warm in Queensland, then again, it could be worse, we hear there is almost snow on our doorstep back in NSW... But anyways, today we decided to go for a walk along a walking track through the suburbs of Brisbane, nothing spectacular... houses and trees... more trees, then some houses... pretty standard stuff in Brissie, but where we come from there are very few houses so we enjoy critiqing all the houses.
Queensland houses are very typical to one another as most are elevated off the ground due to very hilly suburbs. Our relos house has a spiral staircase out front leading to an upstairs front door which we've always thought was just fucking stupid since sometimes people arrive with heavy or awkwardly shaped objects. Like us with our suitcases on the day we arrived, bloody diffy cult.
Anyways, we've loaded up our ipods with the Wicked soundtrack (it's awesome we are goign to melbourne to see it later this year!!!!!!)
and headed off on our trek through north brissie.
We passed a row of identical two door cars, at least 8 of them in a row, all the same model (that new VW that looks like a jelly bean) and all of them either yellow, blue or black. We left our phones at home so couldn't grab a photo on our nokias but it was an hysterical side. Two car doors are funny enough as it is, getting in or out of them isn't exactly the most elegant thing to do in the world, especially with a huge arse, but a row of them on a street where the houses all look alike was priceless, fucken pissa. Anyways, we hurried past them as quickly as we could and got the the foot of a steep hill.
Coming down it was a granny with her shopping car, her floral dress made her look like a fun gran, so we prepared to say gday to her when we approached her.
About 3 metres ahead away from her the two of us were looking at each other and then suddenly we were rolling back down the hill with a shopping cart and someones grandma.
We landed adjacent to the second car in the line of VWs and got ourselves up immediately. We reached down to help grandma up and saw that she was laughing, but bleeding from the head. Ouch, we both reacted immediately, Elisha ran to the nearest house and knocke don the door and William bent down and lifted grandma onto the grass.
He asked her if she was ok, and she just smiled and said
"Apples were on special at Coles" and he turned around and saw almost 50 red apples spread out across the path and naturestrip, with one or two on the road and a fw under a yellow VW.
Then she closed her eyes and fell into Williams lap, the smile still on her face. He checked for a pulse, which she had, but knew she shouldn't go to sleep, so he tried to wake her up, some woman in her 40s in a dressing gown came out of her house with Elisha, she was on a portable phone talking to the ambulance.
William was still trying to wake the old lady up, she was making mumbled noises yet still smiling, so Elisha reacted on instinct and tipped her water bottle over the grannies face, she woke up almost instantaneously, we breathed a sigh of relief and told her she will be ok the ambulance was on it's way.
The woman in the house then proclaimed that she wasn't needed so turned around and went inside.... IF YOU READ THIS BITCH FACE, SCREW YOU, YOU COULD HAVE STAYED YA LAZY COW!
We were both covered in scraps, cuts and our own blood, our bodies ached and our heads hurt, the hill is pretty steep and we fell a fair way down, NEVER, EVER, AGAIN.... we will now live life without sharp objects, hard floors or dangerous situations beacuse we both look like we have pizza's for faces, William nearly lost a nipple, Elisha nearly gained one, so the least the bitch could have done was ask us if we needed help.
But no, of course not, typical bogan.
An yways, the ambulance arrived within minutes and we both yelled at some neighbours who were stickynosing
"Fuck off if you can't help us!" we told them, sick of onlookers who were lazy and didn't have a band aid....or fifty.
The ambos lifted the old lady onto the stretcher, when she saw the 2 men, she smiled even more, and told them about the apples too.
They asked us if we needed assistance, and whilst we did, we figured it was best to go back to Aunty Mays.
We arrived back, looking like sad sacks of shits and dripping blood, the walk pained us as each step seperated the rips in our skin, all the cuts and grazes rubbed against our clothes which were also worse for wear after the tumble. Then we reached the fucking stairs, we both looked at each other then with a burst of energy and ...tenactiy... strength or even recklessness, we ran nup the twisted stairs in 4 whole leaps. Arriving on the front landing, we collapsed immediately. William fell on top of our cousins cat Beckhamballs, who screeched and hissed then clawed William (who screamed like a bitch) till he escaped.
William just lied there in twice the agony than he was before, with many more lascerations across his back.
It was up to Elisha, she tried to reach up for the doorbell but couldn't reach it, then realised the knob was lower down and she COULD reach that... though it was locked. We both sat there for 5 minutes trying to decide what to do, then suddenly they heard someone coming up the steps... they reached the top and it was a woman, 59 years old (though 60 on wednesday as she kept telling us) carrying a small chihauhau (named Talouse-Latrec) she's our cousins neighbour and has been for 22 years.
She saw us and gasped, she asked what we were doing on the floor of the porch and with such horrible injuries all over...
We told her we couldn't get inside or get thier attention cause of the pain....
She replied... "Why didn't you just knock"
It was at that point we realised how fucking stupid we both are.


Love, us